The Miserable Life of Uchiha Sasuke
by S Girlie
Summary: Sasuke is a miserable husband and Naruto is his miserable wife, watch as their story unfolds. mpreg sasunaru yaoi oneshot


I LIVE!

For those of you who are worried about my career as a crack idiot, never fear! All is settled and the plagerist story is now off the net! Consider this yet anotherstupid Sasuke orriented fic... for those of you who are not up to date with the manga... hurry up and do it damnit, not that this has anything to do with it...

I want to know... does anyone even read this crap? I mean, all I ever do is write short, pointless poorly written fanfics about twinkies and condoms... is it even worth posting? Sometimes people even misunderstand me and send me complaints, whining about grammar, yaoi, and OOC-ness. I just want to write fanfiction, I enjoy it, and for some, my stupidity is actually found entertaining...

Flames are cool, they keep my mind alive and happy. I wrote this to see how many flames I can accumulate. Lay it on me... this story is both pointless and stupid, not to mention OOC... I want this to be my absolute worst fic. So I can say, with pride.. that I went there, I wrote a fic, that everybody hated.

ON WITH THE FIC?

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Once upon a time, in a run down apartment far away, lived a very unhappy husband by the name of Uchiha Sasuke. There were many causes for Sasuke's misery, but the main one was that he simply was not getting enough sex from his lovely wife, Naruto. Sure, they screwed like jack rabbits... but Sasuke wanted it more than just once a day, he wanted it on the hour or at least before and after meals.

Sasuke did not care about consequences or any of that crap, he preferred sex over anything, even his job, which is how he became an unemployed miserable husband. Sasuke, being the horny asshole he was, did not care one bit when his superiors reported him for public masturbation. Being out of the job simply meant he had more time to fuck his beautiful bride, their relationship was still at it's prime, so nothing really mattered to him. It was only then he figured out that even something as wonderful as sex, had it's own horrible, miserable consequences.

Naruto, soon after Sasuke's 'jobs are for losers' rebellion, became pregnant, which made Sasuke into a miserable father. There was nothing more that Sasuke hated than babies, they required food and that type of thing cost money. Sasuke did not want a job, nor did he want to provide for a baby, so he did what many miserable fathers do, He went on welfare. The government would provide for his family's basic needs, while Sasuke fucked the day away; this was Sasuke's plan, until he discovered something far more miserable than work...

The baby not only required food, shelter, and came with the basic bodily functions, but also consumed much of Naruto's time, time he could have been spending fucking with Sasuke. This made the miserable husband even more sex deprived, being lucky to be able fuck his wife once or twice a day. Sasuke began to experience things he never imagined, he broke out in cold sweats and unexplained trembling occurred. He also, for one reason or another, he got a hard on every time he looked at the toaster.

Sasuke's life only got worse as time went by. He never really understood how to put on a condom, so as expected, Naruto kept on having babies. In the eyes of a miserable husband, it is fair to say that these little tykes, were ruining things between his wife and himself. Naruto was always 'tired' and was constantly bitching about Sasuke's weight problem. Naruto spent his entire day cleaning after the stupid kids while Sasuke sat back and watched "The People's Court", sipping on his "Big Gulp" he bought from 7/11 with food stamps.

Sasuke, now a desperate miserable husband, rarely ever got any, making him desperate enough to try out that toaster that he had once admired. Of coarse, after his affair with the toaster, nothing ever felt right down there, so in a fit of rage, he decided his family no longer needed the appliance and set it on fire, consequently setting his entire apartment on fire. Now, Sasuke had no place to go or shelter his broke family their home, burnt down to the ground, the Uchiha's were devastated. Sasuke, refusing to take responsibility, blamed Itachi, because if Itachi had not destroyed the entire Uchiha clan, than Sasuke would have been able to move into his parent's house.

Even with no place to go, Naruto miraculously found a kind soul to take the family into their home; the only catch was that Sasuke had to get a job, because the land lord would not accept food stamps. Sasuke thought about going on disability instead, but when he applied, they rejected his application because he was ten pounds off from being morbidly obese. This _would_ have forced Sasuke back into the work force, but being the leaf genius he was, he came up with a clever alternative to work:

Panhandling.

Sasuke simply stood out there, looking like the fat mofo he was, and ignorant rich folk would give him a buck or two. Within a day into his new profession, Sasuke had not only accumulated enough money for two months worth of rent, but also enough to get a hotel room for a night. This made Sasuke very pleased... it had been a while since he could fuck Naruto in peace.

Sasuke continued with his new profession, and eventually accumulated an enormous sum of money. Rather than assist his family with living expenses, Sasuke chose to have a reconstructive surgery on his penis, from the "toaster" incident... This made Sasuke slightly less miserable. After the surgery, Sasuke realized that his life as a panhandler allowed him the freedom to waste tons of rich people's money on stupid things like renting out a bouncy house, where he insisted that his family live in.

Of course, life in a bouncy house, made Sasuke's twenty-three children worship him to the extent of drawing him crappy pictures, all of which, Sasuke taped onto the walls of the bouncy house. Life was pretty good for a miserable husband like Sasuke, He even could afford to buy his wife loads of lingerie, destroying all his other clothing. With his wealth, Sasuke's self esteem went up, causing him to go on the Subway Diet, within six months Sasuke became lean, mean, but still horribly filthy, which was an unpleasant part of the panhandling trade.

With a hot body, Sasuke was able to get extra money off of women, some asking him to fuck them over. Sasuke, a homo through and through, always declined, but still got extra money. With every extra dollar in his pocket, Sasuke felt more and more in control of his career and overall life. He sought out to make every one in his life submit to him. His kids, already happy about the bouncy house, gladly gave in to anything and everything Sasuke wanted...

Naruto was not so forthcoming.

Naruto was ashamed to be married to a panhandler and even more distressed to be sleeping with one. Naruto refused to acknowledge Sasuke any more than he had to, he made him dinner, which seemed to be the only thing he did for him on a regular basis. Sasuke did not like this, as he wanted Naruto's complete attention, so he smacked him on the head with a two by four. After this, Naruto became mentally retarded and did everything Sasuke said, salivating from time to time.

Sasuke had a good miserable life, he retired at an early age and sent all 23 of his kids through college. His bouncy house never once deflated and Naruto put out whenever and wherever he desired, pretty good for a panhandler.

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Like it? Love it?

Hope not.

FLAME ME!


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